


Poured my heart on the pages

by Winga



Category: EOS 10 (Podcast)
Genre: Drabbles, M/M, Poetry, honestly just hoping u guys will like this because i felt so good writing it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-15 07:35:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7213516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winga/pseuds/Winga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The scrapbook has pictures and words scattered on it, and no one but Akmazian can decipher them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Poured my heart on the pages

**Author's Note:**

> For a prompt "If I Were to Write Poetry for You"

1.

The scrapbook is full of photos and words that are scattered here and there with no meaning together if you don’t know who’s written them. Akmazian has a way with words but when he writes them down, they run away and his meanings fall away.

If you were to ask him about them, you would get poetic drawings in his speech and be surprised how well he still remembers what he’s written down.

Now the few last pages have been plastered with Ryan’s face and words that Akmazian wishes he could write as well as they live in his head.

 

2.

Ryan’s face is full of surprise when Akmazian takes yet another picture of him.

“Why?” he asks because Akmazian must have a dozen pictures of him already.

“Because,” Akmazian answers and even if he has an actual answer, he doesn’t want to share it yet. But just because is such a short answer so he adds: “Because, darlin’, you are the prettiest sight there is on this space station.”

Ryan blushes and splutters even if he takes the words as mocking.

Akmazian grins and it doesn’t leave his face even when Ryan asks him what they’re going to do next.

 

3.

The words frustrate Akmazian when he tries to write next to the newest picture. He wants the words to read easy, he wants to show Ryan that the flirting isn’t just a game. He wants to make the written word sound on paper like it sounds on his head but whenever he puts a word down and another and another, they make a sound that sounds terrible to him.

He closes the scrapbook and wants to see the doctor again, and ask him if a stolen heart is a condition that should be treated in a hospital. But he won’t.

 

4.

Ryan is so excited over something. He’s come to visit Akmazian probably because he feels guilty for not being there with him enough, just leaving him alone, but Akmazian takes what he can get.

Akmazian has the camera out before Ryan’s excitement fades away and he’s taken a picture faster than he thinks possible.

“Why?”

“You haven’t been this happy, this excited, the whole time we’ve known each other,” Akmazian replies truthfully. "Why is that?”

“It’s been slightly stressful. But today – today we actually found a cure for a disease no one thought was curable.”

Akmazian feels himself smiling widely.

 

5.

“Where do you keep the photographs?” Ryan asks the next time, when Akmazian hasn’t even taken his camera out.

Akmazian glances over at his scrapbook and Ryan tries to follow the gaze. “Why do you ask?”

“I want to know if the pictures are at all flattering.”

“How could anyone take an unflattering picture of such a pretty face, darlin’?” Akmazian asks with a wink but it doesn’t make Ryan splutter like the wink should.

“Show me.”

Akmazian bites his lip. “It’s just a scrapbook.”

“I’d like to get to know your past and what has been important to you.”

 

6.

The scrapbook isn’t that old, Akmazian used to have one even before all this happened. But he had to leave it behind, had to leave those memories behind. He hopes that when this all is over he can get it back, get his memories back – sure they live in his mind, but some of the words that were brought to life then have vanished. The words scattered in the scrapbooks would help, and the memories would again be more vivid in colour.

The scrapbook isn’t that old, but it’s getting full, and there are too many pictures of Ryan’s face.

 

7.

“What is this from?” Ryan asks again and Akmazian wonders how long they’ve been doing this now. Ryan has gone and come back, has wanted to hear every story. Akmazian tells a story about breaking into a much smaller space station for information that might lead to his pardoning. He uses the words he’s left on the pages to navigate through the story and Ryan smiles

And when Ryan turns the page, it’s full of his face. The words have changed, from prompts into truths into beginnings of poetry.

“What is this, then?” Ryan asks.

Akmazian is worried about truth.

 

8.

Akmazian’s never written poetry and he’s never really had to use poetry to get where he wants to be. Sure, there have been the ones he’s fallen for before – there was Alys, her face filling a page of a scrapbook, Henry who stayed for a summer, and few others. But they never knew about his scrapbooks, they never knew about the words that grew inside his head.

So Akmazian is worried that when he changes from stories into poetry, his tongue will get tied like the words do when he writes. And that he’ll make everything worse, drive Ryan away.

 

9.

“When I saw you the first time I knew that something had changed, your mind was so bright and even if you wanted me dead, there was something else that caught my attention. I don’t usually make great acquaintances with people who want me dead.”

It’s a beginning and it’s like a story.

“When I got to know you, you took away my breath, your mind was just as beautiful as your face. And I had to keep it all inside because you weren’t mine, you weren’t there for me. You were there for you. Thought I was just joking.”

 

10.

A heart beats  
softly  
slowly  
your presence drives it forth  
it speeds up

breathing, practicing  
I tell you you look beautiful  
but you just laugh

I couldn’t be serious

Your laughter bubbles out of you  
the butterflies remind of their presence

Can’t take my eyes off your face  
do you even know how crazy you drive me  
how my lips ache  
my hand itches to touch you?

You’re still there still you still your own being

what does it take to shake you awake to  
tell you I’m yours

I would kiss you and hold you

is that too much?

 

11.

Akmazian isn’t breathing, he’s terrified of pouring his heart out like that. It’s not what he does, it’s not what he wants to do. But Ryan asked and he had told him the truth about everything else so why not this?

He takes a deep breath and looks at Ryan.

Ryan is smiling. It throws Akmazian off.

“I never really knew that poetry was your thing,” Ryan says and Akmazian frowns.

“Do you understand what I said?”

“It’s not.”

It takes Akmazian a few moments because he knows they’re having a conversation in two trains of thoughts yet only one.

 

12.

If Akmazian had been asked before to tell someone in his own words that weren’t some form of flirting or another way of saying I love you, he wouldn’t have thought that his words would matter. Not really. They’re his, and they’re inside his mind, and sharing them would have been too intimate for him before, but at some point Ryan’s gotten under his skin and he thinks he wants to give him everything. He thinks.

He doesn’t think anymore, he’s sure and he knows, because how else would he have been able to speak? It’s his I love you.

 

13.

Ryan gets frustrated before Akmazian catches on, but it doesn’t feel like a bad kind of a frustration when Ryan grabs Akmazian’s shoulders and leans in to kiss him.

It’s a first kiss, it’s not perfect, but they angle their heads to find out how it works for them and soon they have their kind of perfection.

Akmazian closes his eyes and doesn’t open them straight away when Ryan pulls away.

“Thank you,” Ryan says softly and Akmazian opening eyes turns into him blinking.

“What for?”

“Wasn’t it your heart that I heard?”

Akmazian kisses Ryan to shut him up.


End file.
